Roles

How do you feel about your role in your family or home?  Did you choose it, or was it assigned?  I am the oldest but in a family of only two siblings, so that doesn't really qualify me as an authority on oldest children.  I feel responsible for my family of origins decisions to this day and I am almost the big 4 0!  I feel uncomfortable with silence or when someone needs to step up and take charge.  I worry about family get togethers and being a good hostess even if it is not my party. 

I married a ''younger" sibling--2nd youngest of 9 to be exact.  It has been the best thing for me.  I am exploring a whole new world of sitting back and letting others make the decisions and doing the worrying.  It has been very therapeutic and annoying at the same time. 

My children are all confused in this business.  We have an oldest or "first born" child who is really a middle child right now and an oldest child (in this family) who is by birth the baby child right now.   The princess, well she is comfortably riding it out as youngest right now.  I worry regularly about what they may have to write on their blogs about or tell their therapists. 

I am told all the time that my current role in this family is very important.  I would have never imagined that I was solely responsible for filling up four tummies all day long, or picking up the same toys over and over, or teaching manners, or washing folding and putting away the same clothes over and OVER!  This is a very interesting role.  When this role changes I imagine that I will miss it, believe it or not.  Right now, I have to offer myself rewards to get through it, such as a little diet beverage from the gas station or a few moments alone with the door closed in the potty.   I just spent the morning making oatmeal, toast, sandwiches for lunch, cookies for lunch, driving to school, changing diapers, sweeping, spraying down 20 toes covered in mud, building a jump for a two dump trucks, folding the same basket of laundry twice, trying to read scriptures, swaddling a cabbage patch baby over and over.  I think it is time for a diet pepsi.